By Rich Harshaw

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away . . .

DONUT WARS

It is a period of local donut warfare. Korean donut shops, striking on shoestring budgets, have won their first victory against the evil Krispy Kreme Empire. During the battle, a rebel marketing guru has managed to create a secret plan to destroy the Empire's ultimate weapon, their BRAND EQUITY, an armored-like weapon with enough power to destroy an entire industry. Oblivious to the lurking threat, the Evil Empire fails to recognize that MYM is the custodian of secret plans that can save the Koreans' shops and restore competition to the area.

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Nothing brings joy to a Saturday morning in the Harshaw household more than a couple dozen Krispy Kreme donuts -- fresh, hot, and ready to dunk in a cup of cold milk. My six locust-wannabe children can devour two dozen in approximately 13 seconds -- sprinkles and all.

So last Saturday morning when my oldest daughter reminded me she had to be at school for a band competition at 8:30, it was a perfect chance to make a run. My oldest son jumped at the chance to come with me and get the hottest of the hottest right after they go through that glaze waterfall thingy. Nothing like father-son bonding at 200 calories and 11 grams of fat per. Homer would be proud.

After we hastily dispatched the flute player (more for the rest of us!), it was on to donut Shangri La. As we turned right on to Highway 26, my donut radar (aka, reticular activator) efficiently picked out a daring new player in the local donut scene. A new shop bearing the generic white letter sign "DONUTS" was a dead giveaway that this was a Korean-owned store. And judging by the parking lot, they weren't experiencing the typical traffic control problems associated with Krispy Kreme grand openings. In fact, there wasn't a single car in the lot. I tried not to make eye contact for very long because I knew from experience what would happen next.

"Dad, check it out! A new donut shop! Let's go there instead of Krispy Kreme. I hate Krispy Kreme. We always go to Krispy Kreme. I like the big donuts from the little shops better."

The glaze waterfall thingy would have to wait for another day. The Koreans had just won a new customer.

No small feat considering that at approximately three miles from my house, this was the ONLY locally-owned shop in existence. Krispy Kreme had put the rest out of business when they opened their mega store 3 or 4 years prior.

As we walked in, I was not surprised to see that indeed, this was a Korean shop. "Just opened?" I inquired as I approached the eager employee standing behind the counter ready to serve. "Three weeks open now," came the broken-English reply. Amazing -- three weeks and already the place had the look and feel of a crusty little donut shop that had been there 25 years.

It wasn't dirty -- but there was absolutely nothing remarkable in the entire place. The walls were all painted pale yellow, and on the left wall was the standard-issue donut shop drink cooler with sliding glass doors and an assortment of juices, milks, and energy drinks. Just past the cooler was the huge Jesus picture -- the one that's always there in these kinds of shops, unless they have the more traditional Buddah-type statues. Just below that was the 17-year old CD boombox playing random light rock hits from the 80s. The back wall featured a bulletin board where you could leave your business card, which caused me to think -- do you really want to hire an accountant, plumber, or personal trainer you found on the bulletin board at the donut shop? A half dozen of those flimsy little donut shop tables and chairs were in the middle of the shop for those who preferred to dine on their donuts while reading the Korean newspaper that was conveniently available. The glass cases under the counter featured an assortment of nice looking donuts -- plus those creepy hot dog things wrapped in a bun that I've never really seen anyone buy. Except Dale in my office. He'll eat anything.

Five dollars a dozen was the asking price on the menu board above the clerk's head -- it was the generic kind with lines on it that you can stick letters on to form whatever words and prices you want. Fancies and cream-filled would cost extra, but for regular old donuts, their price was a full dollar less than the Evil Empire was charging less than a mile down the road.

We bought my standard cache -- a dozen glazed and a dozen chocolate sprinkles plus 3 chocolate milks for the kiddos back home -- and the lady threw in a dozen donut holes for free -- a nice touch. We got out of there for just under fourteen bucks. Not too shabby.

As we drove home I couldn't help but think that this brave little startup was doomed to be crushed by the venerable Krispy Kreme -- it was only a matter of time. But it didn't have to be this way! A savvy marketing Korean shop could take a chunk out of KK's hide if they would just employ a few simple strategies. Four strategies to be precise -- detailed here for you reading pleasure. Think of me as the holographic Princess Leah R2-D2 kept showing Luke in the original Star Wars. Citizens, we have a plan to destroy the Evil Empire.

Episode 1: Use The Force Of The Brand

Remember back in the 1970's when generic grocery items were all the rage? The packaging was stark white with black lettering revealing the contents of the package. I was just a kid back then, and I had a very extensive beer can collection (yes, my mother was thrilled). I remember finally getting my hands on one of those white cans that simply said "BEER" on the front and thinking in my ten-year old brain, "This is the dumbest thing I've ever seen. Who on earth would even want to buy this stupid stuff?" There's a reason generic products went away.

If a ten year old knows that generic products are dumb, why can't full grown adults who own donut shops figure it out!? You never see a restaurant just called "Restaurant" or a hotel just called "Hotel." Yet thousands of donut shop owners across the country have dug deep into their collective creativity and only mustered "DONUTS" for the name of their shops. What the heck!

How about coming up with an actual name for a donut shop for starters? And preferably, a name that either suggests an excellent tasting donut, or has some sort of local flair. Here's a quick list I came up with:

Killer Donuts

Best Darn Donut Shop

Guaranteed GREAT Donuts

Delightful Donuts

Texas' Best Donuts

Dragon Donuts (in honor of the local high school mascot)

Southlake Pride Donuts (local community name)

Yes, I know that the sign out front will cost more money that the plain vanilla DONUTS one, but remember, we're trying to take Krispy Kreme down! Spend a little extra dough on the sign. For sake of argument, let's call our Donut shop Texas' Best Donuts. This way we can cater to not just Southlake (and their Dragon constituency), but also neighboring Grapevine and the Mustang Faithful.

Since our theme is Texas, let's go ahead and decorate the place with some Texas flair. Decorating advice should be taken from Starbucks, not from the local snow cone shop. Let's get some bright colors that make the place look lively, energetic, and fun. Built in bar-type seating around part of the perimeter of the store would be a nice touch. Make the tables and chairs a bit more substantial. Whatever tables and chairs Starbucks has, buy those. And while you're at it, buy the Starbucks CD collection and play it over built-into-the-ceiling speakers. I know it's just a donut shop, but it's not illegal to give the place some ambiance.

Next, let's hire a graphic designer to create a Texas' Best Donuts logo and color scheme. This is important, because we're going to use the logo and color scheme to actually (gasp) start to brand our donut shop! Instead of using the generic white box to put the donuts in (or even worse, the generic white box with the word DONUTS and the address stamped on the front), let's instead get boxes printed with the name, logo, and slogan printed on them. Oh yes -- the slogan. How about "Not Just The Best Donuts On Highway 26 -- The Best Donuts In Texas." Don't you like the not-so-subtle dig on the neighboring giant!?

Next up for branding -- signature donuts. Because we're a local shop, we have lots of flexibility to do whatever the heck we want. For starters, how about a donut that's roughly TWICE as big as normal donuts that have red, white, and blue glaze (or sprinkles) on them in the pattern of the Texas flag? We could call it the "Texas Giant" and sell them by the half dozen instead of the dozen because they're so freaking big. Now there's a donut people would go out of their way to buy -- and remember.

The next signature donuts would need to be for the local high schools. How about a 'Mighty Mustang' in red and blue and a green and black 'Delectable Dragon' donut? They could come in "Texas Giant" size, regular size, and minis. People would go insane to buy these.

Then we could produce special occasion donuts -- Valentine's Day, Thanksgiving, St. Patrick's Day, you name it. Has anyone ever looked into making donuts in the shape of letters? How about each day of the month they could create a donut with the letter that corresponds to that day of the month (A=1, B=2, etc.) and anyone who can prove their name starts with that letter can come in for a free letter donut that day. It's worth a try. And don't tell me it's impossible to make a donut shaped like a letter. If you think so, email me and I'll email you a great quote from Claude Hopkins.

So how much would all this branding cost? Certainly a bit more for the sign and furnishings. The logo wouldn't be too much. And signature donuts? Come on -- they don't cost anything extra. They're still just donuts! But now we have an identity that people would be interested in. People would remember these donuts -- and this donut shop. And we're just getting started.

Episode 2: The Marketing Wars

Now let's get business to come to us by leveraging other companies' customer bases. This is always a good idea for local businesses and businesses that have small budgets. Come to think of it, this is a great way to get business for any business on any budget. (Episode 2; Next Week) . . . 

 

                             

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